“You know, ever since I first met him, I always thought, ‘Man, I hope I don’t mess this up.’ Because that’s what I do. I mess things up. But you know what I never thought? I never thought ‘I hope this doesn’t mess me up’.”
Feeling replaceable is the worst feeling ever. Fuck him for not waiting 2 more weeks. Fuck him for not replying. I don’t deserve being treated like shit after all this time. How can you trust people when they go from being so close to you to I don’t care in a week?! He fucked it up, he fucked it up and makes me feel like these last three months meant nothing to him. I would’ve looked back at us with a smile, now all I want to do is throw up. I’m so angry at him and myself I can’t even… I just want to stop feeling this way. I wish I didn’t cared.
thinking about it being the end makes me sad but then again I’m leaving for the UK in 2 weeks, there’s a whole new life ahead of me with new people and this is still my year!!!! I won’t let him or anyone else ruin this no no no I wanted to be a happy person this year and I refuse to go back to being sad and miserable, this is my year, I’m young, the sun is shining and I’m leaving soon and YOU WON’T RUIN THIS!!!!!
The things is… Most people have to learn how to be on their own. I myself have to learn how to be with someone. How to handle this happy feeling without losing myself too much. This fucking hurts, of course it does, but it’s also my fault. I need to learn to choose the right people. It’s like I’m addicted to some people - people who make me feel alive and… like I belong here. And I knew it would eventually end like this but just the thought of one more night made me ignore all the warning signs. I deserve so much more than this. I deserve to be loved. I deserve better than this. I saw it coming, but it still hurts. It hurts so much. Fuck.